Negotiation Without the Games

You've done the work. You evaluated the employer type. You interviewed the interviewer. You asked the hard questions and got good answers. Now they've made you an offer.

Time to negotiate.

Except... negotiation feels like a game. And a lot of the advice out there turns it into one. Never say your number first. Always counter. Use anchoring tactics. It's exhausting, and it feels performative.

What if there's a simpler way?

The Conventional Wisdom

Here's what most negotiation advice tells you:

1. Never reveal your salary expectations first. Make them say a number.
2. When they give a number, always counter higher.
3. Use tactics like anchoring, bracketing, and strategic silence.
4. Never accept the first offer.

This advice isn't wrong, exactly. These tactics can work. But they turn negotiation into a chess game where both sides are trying to outmaneuver each other.

For some people, that's fine. They enjoy the game. They're good at it.

For many people, it's miserable. The whole thing feels fake. They either avoid negotiating at all (leaving money on the table) or they do it badly (because they're uncomfortable with the performance).

The Problem with "Never Say Your Number First"

Let me challenge the most sacred piece of negotiation advice: never say your number first.

The theory is: if you say a number and it's lower than what they were willing to pay, you've left money on the table. If they were thinking $150k and you said $120k, congratulations—you just saved them $30k.

That's true. But consider the other side.

If you have a number you actually need—a number below which this job doesn't work for you—why not just say it?

This approach has several advantages:

1. It's honest. You're not playing games. You're stating what you need.
2. It saves time. If they can't meet your number, you find out early instead of after multiple rounds.
3. It sets clear expectations. There's no ambiguity about what would make this work.
4. It's less stressful. You don't have to play tactical games that make you uncomfortable.

The risk is that you leave money on the table if they were willing to pay more. But here's the thing: if your number reflects what you actually need and what you're actually worth, does it matter if they would have paid more?

I'm not saying this approach is always right. But I am saying the conventional wisdom isn't always right either. Know yourself. If you hate games, maybe don't play them.

When to Actually Negotiate

That said, there are situations where negotiation matters:

When the offer is below market. If you've done your research and know your worth, and the offer is clearly low, push back.

When you have leverage. Multiple offers, unique skills, a strong internal referral—leverage changes the dynamic.

When something specific is wrong. The salary is fine, but the start date doesn't work. Or the title doesn't match the responsibilities. Or the equity is structured oddly.

When you'd turn down the offer otherwise. If you're going to say no anyway, you might as well counter with what would make it a yes.

What Else You Can Negotiate

Salary gets all the attention, but it's not the only lever:

Signing bonus. Sometimes companies have more flexibility on one-time payments than base salary. If they can't hit your salary number, a signing bonus can close the gap.

Start date. Need time between jobs? Time to relocate? They often have flexibility here.

Title. This matters for your resume and future earning potential. If the title doesn't reflect the level of the role, ask.

Remote work / flexibility. Hybrid vs. fully remote, specific days in office, flexibility to work from elsewhere occasionally.

Paid time off. Especially valuable if you're coming from somewhere with generous PTO. "I currently have 4 weeks; I'd like to maintain that."

Professional development. Budget for conferences, training, certifications. They might not think to offer this, but often have it available.

Equity terms. At startups: vesting schedule, cliff, acceleration clauses. These details matter.

Review timing. "I'd like a performance and compensation review at 6 months instead of 12." Gets you a chance to renegotiate faster.

Think about what actually matters to you. Sometimes flexibility or time off is worth more than a few thousand dollars in salary.

The Desperation Factor

Here's where the earlier posts in this series connect.

If you're desperate—if you need this job, if the bills are piling up, if you've been searching for months—you're not going to negotiate effectively. You'll accept whatever they offer because you can't risk losing it.

This is why Part 2 of our Long-Term Unemployment series focused on income. Get money coming in somehow, even if it's not your ideal job. Because desperation is the enemy of negotiation.

How to Actually Do It

Here's a simple framework:

What If They Say No?

Sometimes they can't budge. The budget is the budget. The level is the level. Now what?

Ask what would need to change. "If salary is fixed at this level, what would I need to demonstrate to be considered for a raise or promotion in 6 months?"

Ask for other things. If they can't move on salary, maybe they can move on something else.

Ask for a signing bonus. Different budget, sometimes more flexible.

Make your decision. You now have all the information. Is this offer acceptable given everything you know? Yes or no?

If no, decline graciously. "Thank you for the offer. After careful consideration, it's not quite the right fit for my situation right now. I appreciate your time and wish you well in finding the right person."

Burning bridges helps no one.

The Honest Approach

I want to come back to where I started: negotiation doesn't have to be a game.

The goal isn't to "win" the negotiation. The goal is to reach an agreement that works for both sides—an agreement that you'll feel good about six months from now, and that sets you up for success in the role.

That means being honest about what you need. Asking for it clearly. Listening to what they can offer. Finding creative solutions if there's a gap. And ultimately deciding whether it works for you.

Not every job is worth negotiating hard for. Not every offer needs to be countered. Not every tactic is worth the stress it creates.

Be informed. Be clear. Be honest. That's enough.

The Informed Job Seeker

This series has been about one thing: going into job opportunities with your eyes open.

Part 1 was about understanding what different employers actually mean for your daily life. Part 2 was about evaluating opportunities through the interview process. Part 3—this one—is about getting what you need when it's time to make a decision.

Together, they add up to being an informed job seeker. Someone who knows what they're getting into. Someone who asks the hard questions. Someone who negotiates from clarity rather than desperation.

The job market is hard enough. Don't make it harder by going in blind.