What You Can Actually Do About It

Over the last four posts, we've covered a lot of ground.

We started with the permission to hate your job—the acknowledgment that it's okay, it's common, and it might be telling you something.

We explored what that hatred might actually mean—the work, the people, the environment, the mismatch between who you are and what you're being asked to do.

We examined the circumstance change fallacy—why a new job or a new city won't automatically fix things, and what intentionality looks like instead.

And we looked at the two selves—the gap between who you are at work and who you actually are, and the drain of constant performance.

Now let's talk about what to actually do.

The Two Paths

Let me be direct: there are really only two paths forward when you hate your job.

Path 1: Change yourself. Your attitude, your expectations, your approach, your relationship with the work. Stay where you are, but show up differently.

Path 2: Change your situation. A new job, a new company, a new career. Different work, different people, different environment.

Sometimes it's obvious which one applies. If you've been in ten jobs and hated all of them, the common denominator is you. If you loved this type of work before and only hate it now, something about this specific situation is the problem.

The work of this final post is figuring out what that combination looks like for you.

Start With Honesty

Before any change, you need clarity. And clarity requires honesty.

Here are questions to sit with. Not to answer quickly, but to genuinely examine:

What specifically do you hate? Not "my job." What parts? The tasks? The hours? The people? The culture? The commute? The expectations? The lack of meaning? Get specific.

What, if anything, do you like? Even in a job you hate, there are usually moments that don't drain you. What are they? What do they have in common?

Have you always hated this type of work? Or was there a time when you enjoyed it, or at least didn't mind it? What changed?

How much of the problem is internal? Your expectations, your attitude, your patterns—do these show up across multiple jobs? Be honest.

How much of the problem is external? This specific boss, this specific company, this specific role—would a different version of the same type of work feel different?

What would need to change for you to not hate this? Imagine a magic wand. What would it fix? That tells you what the actual problem is.

The Internal Work

If some of the problem is you—and for most of us, some of it is—there's internal work to do.

This isn't about "just have a better attitude." It's about understanding your patterns well enough to interrupt them.

Examine your expectations. Are you expecting work to provide something it can't provide? Meaning, fulfillment, identity, excitement—jobs can contribute to these, but they're a lot to ask of any job. If your expectations are unrealistic, you'll be disappointed everywhere.

Look at your boundaries. Do you overcommit? Do you struggle to say no? Do you let work bleed into everything? Sometimes what feels like hating your job is actually hating that you've let it consume you.

Check your stories. The narratives you tell yourself matter. "I'm trapped" is different from "I'm choosing to stay while I figure this out." Both might describe the same situation, but they feel very different to live inside.

Consider whether you're running. If you're fantasizing about escape but have no idea what you'd run toward, that's a flag. Running from is different from moving toward. The former doesn't usually lead anywhere good.

The internal work isn't about forcing yourself to be happy. It's about understanding yourself well enough to know what changes would actually help.

The External Work

If some of the problem is the situation—and for most of us, some of it is—there's external work to do.

Clarify what you need. Not what you want in the abstract. What you need to not hate your work. Different tasks? Different people? Different pace? Different meaning? Be specific.

Evaluate whether it's available here. Sometimes what you need exists in your current job, you just haven't asked for it. A different project, a different team, a different arrangement. Before you leave, it's worth knowing if the change could happen where you are.

If not here, then where? Start thinking about what a better-fit situation would look like. Not the perfect job—that doesn't exist. But a job where the specific things you hate aren't present, and the things you need are.

Research, don't fantasize. The grass-is-greener trap is real. Actually learn about other options. Talk to people who do what you're considering. Find out what the job is actually like, not what you imagine it to be.

Prepare before you leap. If you're going to change jobs, do it intentionally. Update your resume. Clarify your pitch. Know what you're looking for and why. Don't just escape—move toward something specific.

The Self-Awareness Thread

Here's what ties all of this together: self-awareness.

Every piece of this series comes back to knowing yourself well enough to make good decisions.

• Knowing why you hate your job (not just that you hate it)
• Knowing whether the problem is internal, external, or both
• Knowing what you actually need (not what you think you should want)
• Knowing who you really are (not who you've been performing as)
• Knowing what changes would actually help (not just what changes are easiest)

The Practical Steps

Let me get concrete. Here's a sequence that works for most people:

Step 1: Document what you're experiencing. For two weeks, keep a simple log. Each day, note what drained you and what didn't. Note your energy levels. Note specific incidents that triggered strong feelings. This creates data.

Step 2: Analyze the patterns. After two weeks, look at what you wrote. What shows up repeatedly? What's specific to this job versus what might follow you anywhere?

Step 3: Separate internal from external. Based on your analysis, what's about you (your patterns, expectations, attitudes) and what's about the situation (the work, the people, the environment)?

Step 4: Address what you can address now. Some internal changes can happen immediately. Better boundaries. Different expectations. Showing up more authentically. Try these first.

Step 5: Evaluate whether it's enough. Give it a month. Has anything shifted? Is the situation more tolerable? Or is it clear that the external situation needs to change?

Step 6: If change is needed, get specific. What exactly needs to be different? Write out the characteristics of a job you wouldn't hate. This becomes your search criteria.

Step 7: Search with intention. Don't just apply everywhere. Look for roles that match your criteria. Evaluate fit before you apply, not after.

Step 8: Interview honestly. Present yourself, not a character. Ask questions that reveal whether this place has what you need. Be willing to walk away from offers that don't fit.

What About Money?

I know what you might be thinking: this all sounds nice, but I need a paycheck.

That's real. I'm not going to pretend financial constraints don't exist.

But I'd offer this: the calculation isn't as simple as "I can't afford to leave." There are costs to staying, too. Health costs. Relationship costs. Opportunity costs. The cost of years spent doing something that drains you.

The worst position is feeling trapped AND not doing anything about it. Even if you can't leave now, you can take steps that will let you leave later.

What About Fear?

Change is scary. Leaving a known situation for an unknown one is scary. What if the next job is worse? What if you can't find anything? What if you're making a mistake?

These fears are valid. But consider: you're already unhappy. The known situation is already bad. The unknown at least has the possibility of being better.

Fear of change keeps a lot of people in jobs they hate for years longer than necessary. It's worth asking: what's the cost of letting fear make your decisions?

The Possibility

Let me end with something that might sound like self-help, but I believe is true:

Your best life is lived on purpose and with purpose.

That IT help desk job I hated on day one? That wasn't meant for me. The seven years of IT management? Also not meant for me. The years of doing work that drained me because I thought I was supposed to? Wasted years, in a sense—though also years where I learned what didn't work.

The work I do now? It's different. Not perfect—no work is perfect. But aligned. I can be myself. The tasks match my aptitudes. The people I work with make me better. The purpose matters to me.

That didn't happen by accident. It happened because I finally got honest about what I wanted and took steps to find it.

You can do that too.

A Note on Patience

Change takes time. Self-awareness takes time. Finding the right fit takes time.

If you're deep in hating your job, you want relief now. I get it. But the rushed change is often the wrong change. The circumstance change fallacy catches people who move too fast, without doing the work to understand what they actually need.

What We've Built Here

This series was about one thing: helping you see clearly.

See that hating your job is okay. See what that hatred might mean. See the traps that catch people who try to escape without understanding. See the performance you might be trapped in. And see what you can actually do about it.

I've hated every job I've ever had—until I didn't. Until I found work that fit. Until I stopped performing and started being myself. Until I built something aligned with who I actually am.

You can get there too. Not by following my path—your path will be different. But by doing the same work: getting honest, getting clear, and taking intentional action.

This concludes our series: What Do You Do If You Hate Your Job?

Full series:

• Part 1: I've Hated Every Job I've Ever Had
• Part 2: What Hating Your Job Actually Tells You
• Part 3: The Circumstance Change Fallacy
• Part 4: The Two Selves
• Part 5: What You Can Actually Do About It (you're here)